


Winter In My Heart

by thevixxen



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Avenger Bucky Barnes, Brainwashing, Captain America Sam Wilson, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ex HYDRA Reader, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hydra (Marvel), Implied/Referenced Torture, Mild Language, Possible smut in future chapters, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Will update tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-09 14:17:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20996192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thevixxen/pseuds/thevixxen
Summary: Months after leaving the Avengers you decide to join forces with Nick Fury as one of his agents, only to find yourself exactly where you didn’t want to be… working alongside the newly reformed Bucky Barnes. Now, you have to decide whether you’ll confront your history with the man you once knew as the Winter Soldier, or run away from it.





	Winter In My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is more of a Prologue, so that's why it's so short! I apologize, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless! This first chapter is set directly after the mid credit scene of Civil War, the rest of the series is set Post Endgame.

_“I can't trust my own mind. So, until they figure out how to get this stuff out of my head I think going back under is the best thing . . . for everybody.”_

The words burn a painful image, one you’ve seen many times before. It’s for the best._ It was his choice. It’s the right choice._ The thoughts should be comforting, and yet, they have the opposite effect. A sigh escapes from your lips, and Steve steps into your peripheral vision. His expression is unreadable, but you know he’s hurting just as much as you do. The atmosphere is quiet, thick with tension, as the two of you stare out at the Wakandan landscape. It’s a breathtaking view, like nothing you’ve ever seen before. It’s the only thing that seems to calm your nerves.

Moments pass before Steve’s voice finally breaks through the silence, “you know, I read your file... I think I’m finally beginning to understand you” You can’t help the chuckle that passes from you.

“I highly doubt that, Rogers. There’s a lot about me you have yet to learn that’s not in those fancy files you read.”

“Like the fact you were involved with someone during your HYDRA days? He was an assassin, like you, or am I wrong?”

“Who told you this?”

“Natasha.” Damn her.

“Fine, I have nothing to hide, so I’ll admit it. There was somebody, for a time, until. HYDRA found out. I’m pretty sure you can figure out what happened afterwards. Still, that doesn’t mean you know me.”

He's hesitant to speak again. “It was Bucky… wasn’t it?”

Everything stops, the air is dead. Your palms now slick with sweat. This was it, the moment you spent your days dreading. “You really want to know?” He nods, blue eyes focused directly on you. As painful as the memories are to relive, he deserves the truth. “He doesn’t remember any of it. HYDRA found out about our ‘partnership’ and wiped any trace of me. It was intense, not like their usual wiping. They wanted to make sure their precious _Asset_ was still under their control, and they made sure I knew that.” a shaky breath comes out before continuing, “a few weeks later, I escaped. I tried to take him with me, but he was too far gone at that point. So, I found Fury, joined SHIELD. I became one of the good guys, I guess. Then I met you, and, well, you know the rest of that story.”

The blond’s eyes have now softened, filled with pity now. He reaches for your hand, and squeezes. It’s a simple gesture between friends, but it’s calming. “I’m sorry. Maybe you could ask Shuri if she-”

“Already tried that. She doesn’t think it would be a good idea, with his mind already being in the fragile state that it’s in.”

“Oh,” was all he could respond. There were no words of comfort he could offer you in that moment, which was reassuring in its own weird way. You had become so accustomed to people sugarcoating in order to spare your feelings. Not with Steve. His silent support was all that you needed.

“Maybe... it's not the worst thing. He's better off without me." The words lodge in your throat, and he looks like he's about to reply, but instead he's silent. "It's okay Steve, really. Seeing him like this… it’s all I could have hoped for. As long as he’s better, then I’m happy.” And so you were, or that’s what you thought at least.


End file.
